Discover more from Contemplating
My brain isn’t doing that functioning thing that it’s supposed to. And I’ve wanted to commit to posting once per week. I forgave myself for missing last week because I had a death in the family and associated travel with a toddler. But it’s back to business time now, yet I’m drawing blanks and committing the me-crime of using my drafts. And yes, I’m struggling in the exact way I knew I would. The person who wrote those drafts is no more and I’m wracking my brain to recall what she was talking about.
While I figure it out and get some new posts up, here’s a throwback post from my old blog. Go easy on Past-Me, she was weirder and more spastic than my current self. And an update, I did not in fact, ever text this man again.
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February 2020
Blue Text, Green Text, Read Text, No Text
I done goofed, friends.
And so we begin with your favorite start to a story,
So there’s this guy…
I went to a party the other night with some friends.
Had an absolute blast. Anything with DJ Na$h’s name on it I highly recommend attending. I digress, though.
At the party. Saw this guy, liked his face. Saw him again later. Liked his face again. Wanted to do something about that…but nahhhhh, couldn’t be me.
I don’t talk to people, okay? If you think I do, realize I’m probably getting paid to make you think so. I don’t do it. Especially not at parties. And especially still when people are cute. People who talk to people don’t have blogs to hide behind. Just all of the absolutely not.
But the third shot of Maker’s Mark said, “Absolutely fuck yeah! Go talk to him.”
It took until the end of the night but by the power of Maker’s(and my crazy-ass friend dance-kicking me towards this guy), I told him I thought he was cute, and we exchanged numbers.
And after that, we didn’t talk.
Okay not exactly, but I really dig that Goldlink album and was just listening to it and I’m getting hella off track. ANYWAYS
I shot him a text after I left the party. He got back to me but it was late, nothing much was said until the next day. Next morning he messages picking back up and apologizing because he thought he already replied. I said no worries, I’m not one to get caught up in read-receipts and whatnot. And we agreed on that being an annoying trait of our generation nowadays and shared some lols.
But then the last message I sent turned green…
This is my first iPhone, and I haven’t really taken the time to figure out the different Apple nuances in the time I’ve had it. But I know that means maybe someone’s phone died or they aren’t online or whatever. I also know that sometimes my friends never receive my green messages when they get their phones back on, or they won’t appear immediately.
But how, after the last thing we discussed, would I dare check whether he received my text or not? How could I know? Certainly not by texting him! We established this, I’m not pressed for replies. But also established, neither is he.
What if it didn’t go through? What if on his end, I haven’t replied yet? And yet on my end, he hasn’t replied yet? WHO DROPPED THE BALL? To know…would be to thirst. Right? Maybe? So we’re just gonna stand in all our hydrated, solitary glory then, huh? Are we cool with that?
I can’t stand being my age, and if I were any younger…boy am I just grateful I’m not. I can barely manage with the weird social politics and etiquette that changes every two days. I’m not about all this navigating through communication across this many mediums. I’m too inclined to read into things and pick apart every little detail or speculation of a detail. It’s too much to think about, it’s rarely ever that deep, and it’s making an already awkward person even worse.
I can never text him again. And he might never be able to text me again.
Ruined before it even had a chance. We’ll never know what could have been.
It was a nice 30 or so hours while it lasted, I guess. Maybe we’ll bump into each other at another party. Maybe we’ll laugh about it. Or perhaps neither of us will ever recover the nerve to say anything. Only time will tell. But it’s all good, I’m not pressed anyways…
Okay, so I’ll probably just text him tomorrow sometime. But shut up, though.