I Changed the Name of My Blog

Re-welcome to Contemplating.

I realized that I have a duality to me, and my writing generally stems from the brooding, constantly disgruntled with the state of affairs side, and not the cozy corner of pink tones, brightness, and soft stuff. It didn’t make sense to tribute my blog to the latter. That part seems to get channeled through other mediums.

That doesn’t mean I intend on making this place an angry, ranting hellscape of my darkest thoughts. Well, at least not any more than it’s already become. I changed it because as I will discuss in another post currently sitting in my drafts, I’m more often recalling my many compartments of self, and I thought marrying both of my writing compartments would do my fragmented identity good. It will also encourage me to invest time into both more often. So without further ado, may I introduce my handwritten writes:

I call it my book of contemplating, and I’ve made and filled around 7 of them over the past ten years. When I would write in public, it would draw attention. I hadn’t thought anything of my notebooks before, but people saw it less of writing and more of art. I guess it’s both, but it never hit me until people approached me about it.

I had a lot of friends suggest I post the pages online because they had never seen anything like it. I was hesitant for a long time, because my books aren’t some randomized amalgam of letters. They’re my thoughts that I don’t necessarily want people reading. But I figured, if someone wants to know what’s going on in my mind so badly that they try to decipher that madness, go ahead. I’m not that important, it’s generally nothing that interesting, and it may as well have been written by a completely different person by the time I finish a page anyway. I don’t relate to anything I write once it’s out of my head.

My whole theme with my notebooks is that I can get out all the things that irk me, whatever was going on, the lists of to-dos that are overwhelming my headspace, yadda yadda. At the end of the day, all of those specifics don’t matter and take less priority over my life, but they DO contribute to the bigger picture, the design of the page. It all gets you there. It all molds you, hopefully and usually for the better. So it’s best not to dwell or give anything more weight than it deserves. You pay it some mind, and either do something about it or let it go.

So that’s the merge, here goes.